{Mere Christianity}


After studying for Monday's Biology common test, I tried to go to sleep at 11pm. But, after tossing around for one hour, I was still wide awake. In an attempt to try to tire myself out, I came online to download and read CS Lewis' Mere Christianity.


"Mere Christianity" is something like a hall out of which doors open into several
rooms. If I can bring anyone into that hall I shall have done what I
attempted. But it is in the rooms, not in the hall, that there are fires and
chairs and meals. The hall is a place to wait in, a place from which to try
the various doors, not a place to live in. For that purpose the worst of the
rooms (whichever that may be) is, I think, preferable.
It is true that some people may find they have to wait in the hall for
a considerable time, while others feel certain almost at once which door
they must knock at. I do not know why there is this difference, but I am
sure God keeps no one waiting unless He sees that it is good for him to
wait. When you do get into your room you will find that the long wait has
done you some kind of good which you would not have had otherwise. But you
must regard it as waiting, not as camping. You must keep on praying for
light: and, of course, even in the hall, you must begin trying to obey the
rules which are common to the whole house. And above all you must be asking
which door is the true one; not which pleases you best by its paint and
paneling.
When you have reached your own room, be kind to those Who have chosen
different doors and to those who are still in the hall. If they are wrong
they need your prayers all the more; and if they are your enemies, then you
are under orders to pray for them. That is one of the rules common to the
whole house.



I've been worrying about the next step of my life for quite a while now. I feel like I'm just drifting around, waiting for something to change the course of my life and push me ahead into my next destination. I feel like I'm just waiting, waiting.


You can get so confused
that you'll start in to race
down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace
and grind on for miles across weirdish wild space,
headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.
The Waiting Place...

Waiting for the fish to bite
or waiting for wind to fly a kite
or waiting around for Friday night
or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake
or a pot to boil, or a Better Break
or a sting of pearls, or a pair of pants
or a wig with curls, or Another Chance.
Everyone is just waiting.
From "Oh, The Places You'll Go!" by Dr Seuss



Reading Mere Christianity has comforted me. I now know that God does not keep me waiting unless there's something worth waiting for. I hear Him telling me not to grow jaded, and remember that this is just a momentary phase. Then, of course I'll feel nude, since this is not where I'm destined for. And I, I was made to live! I am meant to live my life the way I want to, not in the Waiting Place.


On and on you will hike
and I know you'll hike far
and face up to your problems
whatever they are.


Benson blogged at 2/27/2009 01:02:00 AM.
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{My feet already drowned}


OMG Mdm Oen needs to work of her English. On World Scouts Day, what was supposed to be "we're moulding the future generation" ended up as "we're mourning the future generation". I had a good laugh to start the day with.

Interesting things happened yesterday. Kevin Chan texted me in the morning, asking me whether or not I wanted to go to "sam" with him after service. He meant to ask me to go to Singapore Arts Museum with him, but due to his lack of big caps, I mistook his invitation to be one to samuel's house. We almost ended up actually going to Sam's house in the end.. I think. I still can't separate the jokes from the truths.

Anyway, yesterday was our dear Wei Qiang's Birthday! Although he has a mouth that can kill, he has been a great companion, confidante and competitor throughout the eight years of our friendship. I think I'm really blessed to have a friend who understands me so well. Despite all the differences, we're all pretty much the same. I won't be who I am today without him, who taught me to speak up and be loud.













My First Attempt at Designing A Collage
Wei Qiang's birthday present.

All rights reserved. No redistribution unless with the express permission of it's creator or current owner.(=

Mr Yeo left me sitting at my desk dumbfounded today. I think they got what they deserved, Mr Yeo should've lashed out at them a long time ago. Go, Mr Yeo. Fight for your rights to have basic respect in the classroom while you attempt to educate us. [:

Benson blogged at 2/23/2009 05:01:00 PM.
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{^}



Benson blogged at 2/19/2009 04:59:00 PM.
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{I flipped the page}


I loved today's sermon. I do indeed have the ability to take control of my circumstances. God has given me the promise to be a co-heir with Christ, so firm in His promise I'll stand! I will be a conqueror in His name! Take the stage; it's about time I had it.

I left the Dudes at twelve plus to meet Brendan, Felicia and HuiEn at the McDonald's near Fuhua. It was the first time in so many weeks that I didn't have lunch with the Dudes, yep. Eating with the three of them was, as expected, an exciting time with gossiping (from the two girls, while the guys wondered why girls just had to gossip) and Felicia's unstoppable laughter. After lunch at Coffee United, we retreated back to my house so that Brendan and HuiEn could finish up their nightwalk proposal while Felicia and I watched. Brendan tried to make me play Hotel 626, and I kinda made things a lot scarier for myself by drawing all the curtains and trying to act brave.

I wrote my weekend essay while Brendan and HuiEn were sitting on the floor drawing out complicated maps for their nightwalk proposal (and Felicia watched).


5. Uncertainty.

I sat in a couch in my living room, flipping through a large and bulky photo album. I was seventy-nine, and my doctor had diagnosed me with lung cancer. I had only a few months left to live, and I experienced a sudden urge to review the previous decades of my life.

As I looked through the various photographs in my album, a faded photograph of my family caught my eye. I examined the yellowing picture of my sons and I, who were so close to me during their early years but slowly drifted away when they became older. When I felt the bond between us breaking, I began to ask myself questions; am I a good father? Why are my sons not saying “Daddy, I love you” as often as they used to? I felt heartbroken over the weakening relationship between my sons and me. However, when my health began to deteriorate, my sons slowly came back to me, buying me meals and visiting me at my home with their families. I felt glad that my sons were beginning to appreciate me again, but a nagging voice in my head told me that there was more to their behaviour than mere cheery goodwill. At night, when I relive the scenes of happiness I had with my sons while lying on my bed, the same voice echoed in my head. “Are your sons beginning to love you for who you are, or for your money?” I don’t know which option to choose. I don’t want to choose.

I flipped the page, and saw a picture of myself standing proudly in front of the construction company that I had founded. I was the first in my entire family to have reached such a high level of achievement. As I think of my past achievements, huge pay cheques and the many awards that the company had achieved as a result of my effort, I began to wonder what all these things meant to me now. Now that my life was coming to an end, what use would these material possessions have for me? Also, what would happen to the wealth that I will leave behind? Will my family begin to fight over it like vultures clawing at each other so as to get the lion’s share of the dead animal? I felt the faith I had in my loved ones ebb away.

The next picture that caught my attention was a picture of me at my baptism. Uncertainty crept into my heart when my eyes locked upon the scene frozen into the film, of me hugging my pastor. My mind began to wander back to how I began to lose faith in my God when my business began to take a toll for the worse. When my business was suffering, I was uncertain about the reality of my God. If He were real, why would he let me suffer like this? I felt that I could survive without the help of this God who was never there for me. As I watched myself walk away from church, Holy Communion and the Bible, the uncertainty that was refreshed in my mind was replaced with a very real fear; where am I going after this? Am I destined to spend my afterlife in heaven, like my pastor told me a few days ago, or condemned to burn in hell? After walking away from God, would He still want me now when I’m desperately crawling back to Him?

I couldn’t bear looking through the album any further. I slammed the cover of the album and placed it onto my coffee table, which was covered with a layer of dust from many days of negligence. My mind was flooded with a myriad of emotions as I felt my grip on reality loosen. I clasped my weakening hands together and whispered a prayer to God, to save me from my uncertain circumstances.

Hope, He’s coming for me.

Is He coming for me?



I wrote this essay with previous uncertainties in my life being its primary driving force. However, none of these thoughts stand against me anymore. In Jesus, I am certain!


Benson blogged at 2/08/2009 09:32:00 PM.
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{Faster, Higher, Further}




This was what I thought on Tuesday after I woke up from my evening nap. Thank God for having put trustworthy people around me for me to talk to. By the way, the picture shows a new addition to our collection of The Pot Boiler props. I'm crazy over the recent additions to the props, especially the styrofoam newspaper pieces. Thank God for Les Thespians!

Today was the first day of this year that I felt so immensely proud of ELDDS. After school, ELDDS went to support the Fuhua debate team at the first preliminary round of Julia Gabriel competition, and the match was simply delightful to watch! I felt so joyful when I watched Brendan, Jeslyn and WeiQiang debate. Within me, I felt something stir that made me ask myself, "why the hell am I not there, huh?" A part of me regrets opting out from the competition. I miss the thrill of debating.

I love what Dyan told me today; "let's do impossible things with ELDDS this year." At first, I had this inspiration to bring ELDDS to greater heights this year, but I felt that even though the club's two heads might be eager to do this, we might not have the ability to. After watching the debate, I've been subjected to correction. I now know that our club is able to reach heights previously thought impossible. I mean, who could ever expect Jeslyn to be able to clinch Best Speaker? Two years ago, she was such an introvert but look at her today! Similarly, ELDDS' pathetic state two years ago doesn't mean that we'll remain the same always! Change is possible, and will come!

It's really sad that Dyan and me will only be able to see the tip of the changing iceberg. What have we been doing for the past three years?

However, it is nice to know that we've left an impact on the ELDDSian climate. Even though the two of us are gone, the energy that we passed on to the club will never truly fade away!

After the debate, the club proceeded to McDonald's for our traditional celebration /please-cheer-up party (depending on our win or loss). I think it's true how having a small club size has its benefits. We can achieve a sense of intimacy and closeness that bigger societies cannot achieve no matter how hard they try. After most of the club members left, Jeslyn, Felicia, Dyan, Brendan and me were left at the table, having rather interesting talks about ghosts and Loch Ness monsters over our empty boxes and cups containing remnants of melting ice. I walked home with Brendan afterwards, and got to know him quite a lot better. So, even though today was really tiring, the heavy eyelids are definitely worth it!



Brendan the dude, and myself.



Felicia and me! (=


Benson blogged at 2/07/2009 12:19:00 AM.
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In Your freedom I will live;
All I am is Yours!