Paradoxico; [EVERLASTING]

{This is probably the last post for the year.}

Turning around in time to look back at the road I've traveled, I think I've accomplished much this year.

In 2008, I've..
Entered 3S5, which I used to think was a terrible class, but I now think it's a very united class!
Competed in JG '08, through which I made many new friends and strengthened old friendships.
Went through a period of fasting while remembering God's sacrifice for us on Good Friday.
Took over as the Prefect's Head of Liaison and presidency of ELDDS.
Did quite well for my overall academic performance.
Made a multitude of friends through Prefects, ELDDS, 3S5 and numerous other things.
Went for a premature prom!
Managed to complete Grade 7 of my musical education.
Went to Beijing for a family holiday, and enjoyed myself thoroughly!
Grown to love God more!
Known my spiritual family a lot better than I did last year.
Given over my struggles to God, for I now know I can't do it alone.

I am a bit astounded by how fast the year has passed. Just a while ago I was complaining about what a terrible class 3S5 was, but now I'm so happy where I am. At the beginning of the year I was such an introvert, but now I'm a happy extrovert in most circumstances and so much more confident of myself. I'm also quite pleasantly surprised by how much change just one year has brought about in my life.

I shall post my new year resolutions for 2009 here so that everyone can see what I'm going to do. Hah.

Benson's list of Resolutions

Remain HOT for God even though it's O-Level year!
Practice violin daily!
Learn to play the guitar!
Score 6 for O-Levels!
Exercise thrice weekly!
Improve my Chinese!
Love my neighbour!
Be an efficient and caring Prefect / ELDDS member!

"Listen to me, you who pursue righteousness,
you who seek the LORD:
look to the rock from which you were hewn,
and to the quarry from which you were dug.
Look to Abraham your father
and to Sarah who bore you;
for he was but one when I called him,
that I might bless him and multiply him.
For the LORD comforts Zion;
he comforts all her waste places
and makes her wilderness like Eden,
her desert like the garden of the LORD;
joy and gladness will be found in her,
thanksgiving and the voice of song.
...
He who is bowed down shall speedily be released;
he shall not die and go down(AH) to the pit,
neither shall his bread be lacking.
I am the LORD your God,
who stirs up the sea so that its waves roar—
the LORD of hosts is his name.
And I have put my words in your mouth
and covered you in the shadow of my hand,
establishing the heavens
and laying the foundations of the earth,
and saying to Zion, 'You are my people.'"
Isaiah 51: 1-3, 14-16

Therefore, I believe, You're my healer, I believe You are all I need; nothing is impossible for You!

AND ANYWAY, our dear YongLay made me do this, even though his blog doesn't allow cut-and-pastes, grr. =O

Starting time:

- 1.17PM

Name:

- Benson Pang

Shoe size:

- 42

What are you wearing right now?

- a red Billabong tee, shorts.

Where do you live?

- Very very near Fuhua.

Favourite number/s:

- 4. (=

Favourite drinks:

- Bubble tea.

Favourite months:

- December.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Have You Ever~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Been in a bath tub:

- Yes.

Swim in the ocean :

- I've ran about the shore before, does that count?

Fallen asleep in school :

- Yes, unfortunately.

Broken someone's heart :

- Yes.

Fell off your chair :

- I think so.

Saved e-mails :

- I don't even delete my emails!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~What is~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Your room like :

- I have a very messy desk and overstuffed drawers and wardrobes.

Whats right beside you ?

- The wall.

What is the last thing you ate ?

- A sweet.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Ever Had~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chicken Pox :

- Yes, twice!

Sore throat:

- Yes, it's one of my most common sicknesses.

Stitches.

- Yes, lol.

Broken nose:

- Nope.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Do You~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Believe in love at first sight ?

- No.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Who~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Who was the last person you danced with ?

- The prefects. =P

Who last made you smile ?

- Korkor, thanks man.

Who did you last yell at ?

- Um, the prefects also. =X

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Final Question~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hate someone in your family ?

- Yes, everyone at one point or another, but I've gotten over it.

Diamond or pearl ?

- Pearl.

Are you the Eldest ?

- No, I'm the middle child.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Today did you~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Talk to someone you like ?

- No.

Kiss anyone ?

- Nope. (I must sound so tame, LOL.)

Get sick ?

- I have a perpetual runny nose that I brought home from Beijing..

Talked to an ex :

- Nope, I have no Xs, only Ys.

Miss someone :

- No.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Last person who~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You talked on the phone ?

- Mum.

Have a crush on someone ?

- Dunno. =X

What books are you reading right now ?

- Plea of Insanity by Jilliane Hoffman

Future kids name :

- I haven't decided, but I reckon Bartholomew and Pookie sounds good.

Do you Sleep with stuffed animals ?

- Yes, I have the squirrel that Sawyi gave me for my birthday. =D

Whats under your bed ?

- A mattress in the morning, nothing at night.

Favourite Locations :

- My home, prefect's room.

Danced a slow dance with someone you didn't even like ?

- Not yet.

Who do you really hate ?

- Nobody.

Ever like someone you didn't have a chance with?

- Yep, multiple times.

You lonely right now ?

- Not really.

What time is it now ?

- 1.31PM.

Benson blogged at 12/29/2008 06:29:00 PM.
0 comment(s).

{I'm drowning in a sea of bloody mucus,}

like, literally. The dry Beijing air has rendered my lungs rather rusty. I shall blog about my trip.. eventually!

Happy birthday, Claudia! (=

Benson blogged at 12/24/2008 12:54:00 AM.
0 comment(s).

{Sometimes, he believes too much.}

Today was a very eventful day, the best Saturday out of all those I've had these holidays!

I kicked the day off with some packing for my trip, a packet of bee hoon and a trip to cell group at Bukit Merah. Even though Darren (Chua) told me that cell group wasn't compulsory for me, I still decided to make the trip down because I wanted to spend some time with the dudes in Christ before I leave for Beijing. During cell group, I think the Spirit revealed to me that I wasn't being all that I could be this year because of my own selfishness. I really felt quite bad then, but the prayer and worship made my heart lighter. Lunched with Samuel and Joshua Koh after that, and then (reluctantly) left the dudes to meet the prefects + Darren Lee and Kelvin at Jurong East MRT station.

Pierrot was an amazing work, pulling apart the masks society paints over the faces of our youth and revealing the rawness and wounds underneath. It was a very shocking work, and definitely worth my Saturday weekend. Beatrice, Natalie Koh, Daniel and Hakim were awesome! During one part of the play, I was actually fighting the urge to cry; the scenes were dramatic, heart-wrenching, yet close enough to tug at your heartstrings.

The play definitely made one thing clear; broken hearts and unhappy families are not distant fables that we only hear of once in a while. Instead, they may be just under our noses, hiding behind the facades that our youth put up and yearning for a hand to reach out to them. Behind every cheerful face hides a pained Pierrot, always desperately hoping for light to enter into their dark worlds. One doesn't need lofty riches to be satisfied; a soulmate one can pour out one's troubles to is all that one needs. All that one needs is a listening ear.

This makes me think; I truly repent of my ungodly behaviour this year. I've turned away the people who need hope, treating them coldly and as if they were lepers. Pierrot has opened my eyes, and given me a new and refreshed understanding to the world around me, where nothing is ever as simple and bright as the surface colours suggest. I will listen to the depths churn, the depths moan.

Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see?
Or does anybody even knows she's going down today
Under the shadow of our steeple
With all the lost and lonely people
Searching for the hope that's turned away in you and me
Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see?

I'm leaving for Beijing from 14th to 22nd December. Please pray for me, that my family will be safe and sound, and enjoy our time together. (=

***

P.S. During quiet time today, I was flipping through my notebook when I came across a note that I'd scribbled inside it a while ago. This word that God gave me was so touching, that when I saw it I felt my heart stir.

"Stand, and do not be afraid, for I have not abandoned you. I have given it all for you."

Jesus saves all!

Benson blogged at 12/13/2008 10:55:00 PM.
0 comment(s).

{Stephanie~}

Pass this quiz to 10 ppl to see how they feel about you. (Stephanie randomly picked me! I just picked some random people from my Links.)

1. Charissa
2. Brendan
3. HuiEn
4. Shirlynn
5. Joshua Ong
6. HaiSong
7. Claudia
8. Jun Boon
9. Samuel Ng
10. Dyan

1. Who is no.6(HaiSong) having a relationship with?
Nobody?

2. If no.2 & 7 , (Brendan and Claudia) are together, is that a good thing?
What a cute couple, especially since Claudia is taller than Brendan!

3. What is no.2 (Brendan), studying about?
Hmm. Literature, History, Double Math and ChemPhy.

4. When is the last time u had a chat with no.3, (HuiEn) ?
The day before yesterday, when she asked me if I was collecting photos for the 101 Faces of Benson Pang.

5. Which band does no.8, (JunBoon) like?
Japanese anime singers.

6. Does no.1, (Charissa) have any siblings?
Yes. I remember her mentioning about an incident where she made her brother wear a dress. o.O

7. Would you like to woo no.3, (HuiEn)
I think someone else is after her already. =D

8. How about no.7, (Claudia)?
Isn't she with Brendan..?

9. Is no.4, （Shirlynn) single?
I reckon so, I'm not sure!

10. What's the surname of no.5, (Joshua Ong)?
Ong!

11. What's the hobby of no.1, (Charissa)?
Baking cakes and shopping.

12. Where's no.2, (Brendan) studying?
Fuhua Secondary School.

13. Where does no.9, (Samuel Ng) lives?
Somewhere along the purple MRT line. o.O

14. What color does no.10, (Dyan) likes?
Judging by his new blogskin, I'd say pink.

15. Are no.1 and 9, (Charissa and Samuel) good friends?
Nope, since they've never met, but I think they'd click really well over baking cakes together.

16. Does no.10 (Dyan) have pets?
No.

17. Is no. 5, (Joshua Ong) the sexiest person on earth?
Oh, no!

18. What's no. 8, (Junboon), doing now ?
Lying on a hospital bed. Get well soon!

Benson blogged at 12/12/2008 11:33:00 AM.
0 comment(s).

{How do you swing?}

Yesterday, I went out for a game of badminton with Shaun, Bran, Yang and Yang's dad. I enjoyed myself a lot, because other than exercising and sweating out my frustrations, I also gained a few nuggets of wisdom throughout the entire process.

Yang's dad mentioned that when playing badminton, one cannot play like a king and stand with his feet rooted in the ground, waiting for the shuttlecock to fly towards you. Instead, you have to actively run towards the shuttlecock and reach for it all the time. This made me think of something- it is definitely desirable for Christians to live a life of faith. However, we cannot approach faith with an attitude of complacence; do we sit comfortably like haughty kings and wait for God to shower blessings upon us, or do we also have to constantly put in effort on our own part? I believe that the latter is true; all effort is 100% God and 100% man!

He who withholds his rod hates his son,
But he who loves him disciplines him diligently.
Proverbs 13:24

My family recently underwent a rather big hoo-ha regarding discipline; my brother bought a game to go with his PSP which my family doesn't think is suitable for his maturity level. However, even though I believe my parents want Bran to be able to enjoy his game, I also know that they withhold him from playing that certain game because they have his welfare at heart.

Which father doesn't hurt when he disciplines his child? When my parents watch my brother feel resentful because he is deprived of what he enjoys, I believe they don't feel good inside either. How much more so, when God disciplines so many of His children? His training is painful, and high-pressured. But, I will learn to delight in my suffering, because I know that God makes me undergo it because He loves me!

At the cell meeting yesterday, I felt God give me a word. I don't know who it's meant for, but I think it's quite meaningful!

"Do not fear the world's challenges, for Jesus has overcome them!"

Yes, I won't fear the world, for I know Jesus saves!

***

Oh, check out my Display page. New stuff added. (=

Benson blogged at 12/10/2008 12:06:00 PM.
0 comment(s).

{The 101 Faces of Benson Pang
And "Christmas ain't what it used to be no more!"}

In response to the response the dudes in Christ have given me regarding my Disturbia blogskin (I like the repetition of words here!), I have come up with this funky new concept to build a new blogskin around; I shall take a multitude of self-snapshots (with an assortment of emotions, e.g. happy, hungry, frustrated, sleepy, angry, tired, moody) with my phone and make a snazzy-looking picture out of it and title the finished work "The 101 Faces of Benson Pang". I believe it'll be the most innovative skin to ever grace the blogosphere!

And, "Christmas Ain't What It Used To Be No More!"

Sammy, I agree. People like us are being misunderstood by the world.

As quoted from Wikipedia, "Christmas controversy refers to controversy or disagreement surrounding the celebration or acknowledgement of the Christmas holiday in government, media, advertising and various secular environments... and usually stems from the holiday's significant annual role in Western economy in conjunction with its potential connotations with Christianity in an increasingly religiously diversifying Western society. The term "War on Christmas" is often used to address recent controversy."

The world views Christmas simply as a time to party, get drunk and indulge in materialistic desires. Far from being commemorated as the birth of Jesus, the focus of the festival has now been shifted to Santa Claus, gift-exchanging and sin. Being who we are, humans have managed to use Christmas as an excuse to satisfy our desire for material satisfaction. I find this diversion in society's purpose of celebrating Christmas to be disturbing as well. Rejoicing in the birth of our saviour has been twisted by the world into self-glorification.

Dude, you might think you're being a fool by standing on your chosen side in this moral struggle, but you're actually a source of motivation for me. Your desire to follow in God's footsteps regardless of the consequences is heart-warming and encouraging. As Christians, we definitely feel the ache in our hearts when we watch the world wallow in its wrongdoings. But, the pain stinging our hearts will actually push us further to strive for Christ!

May God bless you with discomfort
At easy answers, half-truths, and superficial relationships
So that you may live deep within your heart

May God bless you with anger
At injustice, oppression, and exploitation of people,
So that you may work for justice, freedom and peace.

May God bless you with tears
To shed for those who suffer pain, rejection, hunger and war,
So that you may reach out your hand to comfort them and
To turn their pain into joy.

And may God bless you with enough foolishness
To believe that you can make a difference in the world,
So that you can do what others claim cannot be done
To bring justice and kindness to all our children and the poor.

Amen.

And even in such times, not all is lost.

"I remember when I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to You
and raised me up again
my strength is almost gone how can I carry on
if I can't find You
and as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away

And I'll praise you in this storm
and I will lift my hands
for You are who You are
no matter where I am
and every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm"

Even in times when all seems impossible, one has to acknowledge we aren't alone in this fight. You're not the only warrior of light left, you know. Many others are standing alongside us, believing that greater things are yet to come.

Press on, bro. Cheer up. God sees everything. (=

Benson blogged at 12/08/2008 05:09:00 PM.
0 comment(s).

{Aha, now that it's over!}

I just finished my violin exam yesterday. Throughout my time preparing for the exam, I've learned a lot more about music than I ever have before, and to listen to music from different perspectives; to sing the melody from your violin, interpret pieces yourself, and that to touch others with your music you must first touch yourself.

Jascha Heifetz was quoted as saying that what it takes to play the violin are "the nerves of a bullfighter, the vitality of a night-club hostess, and the concentration of a Buddhist monk." He is, most definitely, quite accurate in his description.

Benson blogged at 12/04/2008 11:19:00 AM.
0 comment(s).

{So very busy!}

I just had drama camp from Tuesday to Wednesday, which overlapped with Prefect Camp from Wednesday to Friday. On Friday, I went to perform at a family concert immediately after reaching home. On Saturday, I performed at Uncle WM's birthday party, and just yesterday was a day out at church with Catbro and Prom '08! (=

It's gonna be practicing all the way until my violin exam on Wednesday. o.O

Meanwhile..