{Hardcore blogger}


Second post today, after the first hardcore post. Well, today's a very productive day.

Today, before I left for cell group, I felt very hurt and disappointed with one of my best friends. "I felt quite disappointed too, but I think I shall be a good bro and understand where he's coming from. After all, I once stood in his shoes too. I should support him and let him enjoy it while it lasts, yeah? =3." I doubted my best friend. That was what I posted earlier today. I left home with a heavy and broken heart.

These few days, I've been brooding over why I haven't really encountered God in a way that moved me really strongly before. But later at the cell group meeting, I encountered God in a really deep and intimate way. For once, I genuinely sensed His love within me when Uncle Elkan prayed for me. The words that God spoke to me through him really captivated my heart. This experience showed me that God really loved me a lot. He knew I was hurting, and He knew just how to comfort me.

God said to me, "Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift." (Matthew 5:23-24)

This verse struck me; I was worshiping God with my spiritual family ("offering your gift at the altar") and hurting over a friendship ("and there remember that your brother has something against you"). I believe, and I know, that this is definitely not a coincidence. God had definitely spoken to me tonight.

I walked out feeling refreshed and as if a boulder had been lifted from my soul. =)

Today, for the very first time, God really spoke to me. He told me to get right with my best friend.

Yo, best friend. Thank God you're my best friend. Thank God also, for comforting me today, because He told me that we'll always be best friends. God also told me to "be reconciled with [my] brother", so here I go.
Dude, sometimes I wonder if you really trust me. My mind keeps making me relive the things that you've done to injure me in the past. "Insults have broken my heart and left me weak, I looked for sympathy but there was none; I found no one to comfort me." (Psalm 69:20) When you did those things to me, it felt as if something died inside me. Even though we patched up after a while, I still bore a deep wound in my heart. For a while, I found it hard to trust you.
When the new year began, my wound healed itself, and I found myself back to normal again. But then, I found out things about you that you didn't tell me personally. I thought to myself- if we were such good friends, why am I always the last to find out everything? Why did you give me patronising answers whenever I asked questions? Now, in reverse, I wondered if you trusted me.
Today, during cell group, God told me to run out and get right with you. So dude, I just want to tell you that you're my best friend, and that I trust you. I just hope that the feeling's reciprocal.

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Benson blogged at 3/29/2008 10:56:00 PM.
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{Dear Debaters}


Dear debaters,

Thanks for everything you've done. Although our journey in Julia Gabriel stops here, it has been a very fun one. Even though we didn't manage to get into quarter-finals, we gained a substantial amount of experience and knowledge from our debates. Remember how much we learned about fast food, modeling and voting? After all, like Justin said, debating is also about learning about modern society. And I'm sure our thinking and speaking skills have improved as well, right? Debating is not solely about winning. Debating, like everything else, is also about having fun. Remember the fun times we had in the computer lab? Remember how we laughed and screamed maniacally at McDonald's? =)

Felicia, you have loads of potential. You're incredibly conscientious, and it's been great working with you. But you must dare to be even more aggressive than you are now, and be more confident in yourself. Let the caramel within you become spicier. =D
WeiQiang, it's been great working with you too. You're a great speaker, probably better than I am. Having tried all three speaker roles, you're incredibly versatile too. I've also realised how debate has made us even better friends than before. It's been a pleasure working with you too.
DingXiang, you know everything. Whenever we need definitions or explanations, you always surprise us with your answers. You're probably better than Wikipedia itself, ok? LOL.
Nicholas, you're a really funny guy. You're also really thorough. Thanks for poking holes through our cases so that we could patch them up and make them stronger than ever before.

Dear debaters, let's focus on our studies and concentrate on the plans that we have, yeah? All the best! =))

***

Well, the one good thing about missing Cultural Night yesterday is that we got to trash Hwa Chong International at debate.

We discussed our case from 3.30pm till 8 on Thursday night with Yvonne, Atiqa and Aaron. We all simply love Yvonne, okay. Like Atiqa said, "Yvonne has always been the team's coach." Yvonne is super-dedicated, and seems to know every single counter to attacks. She's super lah. LOL. Our case undergone an almost entire change on Thursday. We stayed up damn late to finish our scripts, and I think that night was the night we demonstrated the most teamwork. Haha. =)

Went with Wei Qiang to buy his shoes at 9 in the morning, after sleeping at 2am in the morning and waking up at 8. After that, we went to Lakeshore and talked for a while before moving on to School. Justin wasn't there, so we opened the Comp Lab. We slacked till around 2pm, and we went out to buy bread for lunch. William taught us some stuff, and we swallowed our 4pm dinner and ran down to the bus.

We reached Kuo Chuan Presbyterian at 5, and when we entered the debating room at 6, we were damn nervous. Felicia kept squeezing Wei Qiang's and Nicholas' hands. o.O Turns out that HCI was late by 45 minutes. Admittedly, the debate was quite an interesting one. From now on, I can officially declare that I simply love being the third speaker. I love rebutting, okay? I somehow managed to fend off the proposition's accusations of us imitating Joseph Stalin and promoting communism in the society. =D

(I didn't know where that Stalin argument came from, too. LOL.)

Well, in the end, Fuhua won Hwa Chong, and I was named Best Speaker. (Actually, Best Speaker was gonna be either Wei Qiang or me, but Justin reckons that Nicholas screwed Wei Qiang's chances of getting it because he wrote the reply speech and Wei Qiang couldn't interpret his illegible handwriting. Well, at least it shows that Wei Qiang's a great speaker too. Haha!) Yeah! We were quite happy after that. We went to watch Raffles Institution debate, and were quite turned off by the extremely soft voice of their debaters. In the end, we went to support Tanjong Katong instead.

We went to wait for our results at the McDonald's opposite Fuhua. We waited for a very long time, and soon, the fated SMS arrived.

Felicia answered a call from DingXiang, and looked at her SMS inbox, and from the look on her face, we knew what happened.

"Erm. U guys did nt make it 2 d quarters. Those tt made it r..... Dun be disappointed guys. U guys did well. Dun b disheartened. D speakers can still look 4ward 4 individual awards." -Aaron.

Well, the atmosphere was filled with an air of sadness at that time. Everyone seemed incredibly shocked and hurt by the results. Actually, I was very disappointed too, but for reasons explained in the previous post, I couldn't express it. I just tried my best to comfort the team and say that although we lost, at least we did our best. Like Mr Chia said, do your best, and that's all that matters. Who cares what others think? We put in all our effort, done our best, and that's all that matters.

Walked Felicia, Nicholas and WeiQiang home after that. Then I went back to Mac's to find someone to talk to. After looking through last year's copy of the Fuhua yearbook, I finally know the name of the girl who keeps saying "HELLO BENSON!" to me whenever she walks past me. LOL. So I stayed back at Mac's to talk with Javan (funny friend), Cheryl (Huang), Lee Cheng (the girl who always say "HELLO BENSON!" when she walks past me), and Ching Yee (made a new friend. Hehe. (: ). After they left, I chatted with Javan till JingKai finished his food, and I walked them to the bus stop. Sent them off, then went home.

Went home with a heavy heart. I was quite disappointed, but I think I'm better now. I felt quite disappointed too, but I think I shall be a good bro and understand where he's coming from. After all, I once stood in his shoes too. I should support him and let him enjoy it while it lasts, yeah? =3.

Anyway, all the debaters have noticed this; why does everyone think we're competing in "The Arena"? o.O

Anyways, Mr Ng is so sweet. See what he sent us today: "Dun be too sad. U have done well n i know all the teachers incl me are proud of ur performance. Hold ur head high and be proud! Mr Ng."

A lot of other SMSes too, from dear debaters past and present..

Ding Xiang- "We lost, but we did our best yeah?... =)"
Yvonne the Supercoach- "Hello ppl. Congratulations. U all deserve a good rest tonight. And Benson, well done! I'll update you all again. :)"
Atiqa- "Hey! Congrats ppl! =D"

WE LOVE DEBATING. =DD

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Benson blogged at 3/29/2008 02:16:00 PM.
0 comment(s).

{I dropped my eclair on the floor. Oh, no. =O}


I left school with HeangGee at 11am to attend Mayflower Secondary's student leaders investiture. At around 10.50am, we changed into our court shoes, and with blazers and ties in hand (and nothing else), we walked out of school and towards Lakeside MRT. We cut through Lakeshore to get there, haha. HeangGee was going on about how she'd want to buy a Lakeshore unit because the view's so pretty. Haha. =)

The investiture was pretty interesting, because they had a storyline behind it. It was quite entertaining to watch them do what they did. And, after the investiture, we realised that we'd forgotten to bring umbrellas. It was raining zebras and tigers outside, and we had no choice but to call for a taxi. Lo and behold, it cost us S$6.50 to get from Mayflower Secondary to Ang Mo Kio Central! Ohmigoodness, what's the world coming to, that even a measly cab ride lasting under ten minutes can cost so horribly high? O_O

Reached school at 3.50pm. Half a day gone. I was late for debate, and HG was late for dance rehearsal. =))

***

Hmm. I wonder why people around me always get into conflicts. I always hate it when friends begin to turn against each other. Friendship is a special, fragile thing; handle one with care, or it'll just shatter into many hard pieces. The shards of a broken friendship can hurt the hearts of those who used to hold on to it when it was still whole. I'm saying this as an outsider, as an observer of the goings-on within you guys; it's not worth a friendship. You all know how sweet a friendship is. But do you think a friendship's always smooth? Along the way, you'll meet all sorts of things, encounter events you don't like. But is this worth abandoning the journey?

I embraced new friendships at the end of Sec One. It was a bright and happy part of my life so far, but I didn't handle it with care. I took my friendships with my very good friends for granted, and hurt them deeply. The scars I inflicted on them might still be there, but I know for sure that there are still scars in my heart. In Sec Two, when the results of my carelessness were made apparent, I couldn't sleep well for many nights. The hurt I felt in my heart kept me awake throughout countless nights. That was the most painful period of my life that I can recall.

I can't imagine putting my friend through such pain. I can't bring myself to do it.

Instead of breaking the friendship, why not trash it out together, once and for all? Like what one of the friends I hurt did with me; in the end, we resolved our problems. Trash out your problems- say what you're unhappy with each other about, and what you hope they can do to change. Sometimes, letting the person you're unhappy with know can help you guys understand each other. It worked with me. In fact, instead of just salvaging a broken friendship, it actually laminated it and made it even stronger. That's why I'm proud to have a big bro, who was willing to forgive, forget and forge stronger ties.

In conclusion, I know I'm not really in a position to say anything, but this is just my two cents. You guys have a golden chance to maintain this friendship for life; savour it. Then, at least I can feel happy for you. =D

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Benson blogged at 3/25/2008 07:47:00 PM.
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{I See A New Revival;}


I cleared off my old layout so I could have a more refreshed look while I procrastinate make my new one. Isn't it so much easier to read now? :D

Anyway, let me finally blog in detail about Sanctification Week!

On Good Friday (which coincidentally is Edmund's birthday, lol), we met at Expo Burger King, and lunched there, and then headed over to Hall 9. I was quite surprised when I saw that there were no chairs where there used to be. So, we spread out our mats and sat down on them, waiting for the event to begin while we stilled our hearts and prayed for God to touch us. Then, Dr Maurice Sklar, a blessed violin virtuoso and an anointed man of God, performed for us. I dare say he's the best I've encountered yet.

The program as a whole, was indeed extremely touching. We watched a very touching video clip about Jesus' crucifixion, and watched as two people carried a life-size wooden cross down the aisle and onto the stage, reenacting the way Jesus was carried on the cross. It was a very heart-wrenching thing to watch, but for some reason, I couldn't express it. Even though my heart ached at the thought of the pain that Jesus felt, I couldn't express it at all. Thus, I have concluded that my heart is made of diamond..


...the Cuckoos can transform selective parts of their bodies as their hearts are in a perpetual diamond-form state. Therefore, they can never feel emotion again, even when in their "normal" tissue form.



That was from http://www.marveldatabase.com, by the way. So yeah, I think my heart's made of diamond. When we sang "Lead Me To Calvary" to commemorate Jesus' death, I saw my spiritual brothers either crying or on the verge of crying. I felt really hurt because I didn't feel anything within me, and I didn't know what to do. My big brother was crying, and as a little bro, I couldn't do anything.

But yeah, I'm faithful that some day, Jesus will soften my hardened heart and let me express emotions again. =)



This is the song Dr Sklar played when the cross was being carried down the aisle. It's a song regarding the Holocaust, from the movie "Schindler's List". The nice part is, it's my Grade 7 exam piece. HAHA. My teacher's gonna be so happy when I tell her I watched my exam piece being played live. =D

The rest of the night was rather entertaining with our two Senior Pastors speaking about marriage. LOL.

On Saturday, I went for the master class with Dr Sklar. He was a joy to work with. It was musically and spiritually enriching. He shared with us that the highest purpose of music is to serve and glorify God. I feel very, very encouraged to play for God, and to exalt Him above all else. YEAH!!

By the way, I was one and a half hours late because I thought the class was at Bukit Merah, and it was only when I reached there that I realised it was actually at Marine Parade. A near-heart attack and boring bus ride later, I finally reached the real destination. LOL. Although I was late, I can say that I've truly enjoyed myself.

On Sunday at service, after the most spectacular performance by Dr Sklar I've seen, the sermon came along. (By the way, during worship, I felt hugged again, albeit a lot, lot tighter. Haha.) This sermon is really touching and powerful. It let me know that Jesus really loved us so much, that he took on the role of the ceremonial sacrifice and hung on the cross to die. Most importantly, Easter's the day that Jesus conquered Death. Death died on Easter!

I walked out of church on Sunday feeling like no matter what ever happens in my life, and no matter where I end up, even in the darkest corner of the earth, someone who knew me from before I was born, and made me with love and tender care, will always love me.

Jesus said to her: "I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?" (John 11:25-26)

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Benson blogged at 3/24/2008 07:19:00 PM.
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{Looking forward to the time three hours from now!}


It's Good Friday today, people. Many years ago on this very day, our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ paid the price for our sins by sacrificing His very life on the cross for us. I'm very thankful for His unconditional love, His amazing love for His creation. Thanks, Jesus. =)

By the way, I'm looking forward to the time three hours from now because I'll be at church, commemorating this very special day. =))

Yesterday night, I realised that I've been drifting apart from some of my 2I5 '07 buddies. I wondered to myself; am I being too sensitive? Or is this just something that would eventually happen? Or, worst of all, was I just being desperate for the sensation of friendship and trying too hard to fit into a group that was not ready to accept me? Does being in different classes necessitate an emotional barrier between us?

Dear Lord Jesus, thank You for the magnificent sacrifice that You made for us on this day, many years ago. Jesus, You took all my sins onto that cross, and cleansed me with Your blood. Lord, You know I am eternally grateful, always and forever, for I know that whenever I'm brought down to my knees by pitfalls in life, You will be there, encouraging me to get back up on my feet and fight the good fight for You. Jesus, thank You for Your love. Amen.

So yeah, I will be cheerful, because I know that somewhere within our hearts, we're still friends. Peace, dudes. =))

(P.S. Cat Bro thinks I've forgotten how he accidentally (?) hit me very painfully on Tuesday where it hurts the most, but I haven't. HAHA. )

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Benson blogged at 3/21/2008 01:45:00 PM.
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{Time passes quickly when you're not enjoying it.}


It's back to school tomorrow, and some part of me actually looks forward to it. School days are actually less stressful than holidays.

I'm back from prefect's camp. It's definitely been an experience. I've also developed an active fear of keys. I was the Lodging I/C for the camp together with Nada, and we both took turns to handle the twenty-something keys that we held on to for the camp. And whenever someone needed the keys, we had to run up and down the floors to open the doors, and prior to the night walk, I had to unlock the doors (thanks, to those people who accompanied me, HAHA), and then sprinted across the school compound in the dark to toggle with the electrical risers. It was good exercise. I've not had it in ages. LOL. I don't think I did a good job being the Lodging I/C, seeing as I couldn't manage to turn off the power in time, but I think that overall, the camp was expertly executed.

Thanks Josh and HeangGee, for your great leading. Thanks Sec 3 prefects, for supporting me and for the laughter. Thanks Sec 4s, for your guidance. And, most importantly, thanks Sec 2s, without whom the camp wouldn't have had any purpose. HAHA. =)) Thank you all!!

Today's service was really refreshing. God really touched my heart today. Today's message, "The Transforming Power of Intimacy", showed me that I really needed to get right with God. Even in my tight-packed schedule, Jesus should have priority in my life over other mundane things. So yeah, I felt kinda guilty today. But I was really, REALLY cheered up by worship. I was educated in a Christian kindergarten, and on my graduation day, I sang "Be Thou My Vision" as a song of celebration and thanksgiving to the Lord. All the while, the memory of this song remained strongly in my heart, and I always remembered how to sing its rhythm. I searched for this song for many years, but I never found it. Today, during the very beginning of worship, we were led in this song. I felt really touched by God's simple gestures of love.

To make things even lovelier, the last song we sang today was "The Stand" by Hillsong United. This is a song that can actually make me cry because it reminds me of God's never ending love. During worship, when this song started to play, I felt like I was being hugged by God. It felt so wonderful sia. I hope every service will let me feel God's mighty presence as closely as today's did. =))

Actually, come to think of it, when I did hospitality duty in the past, I felt "hugged" every time I did it. Maybe it's God's way of showing me his joy when I serve Him in church. Is this, then, God's way of encouraging me to sign up for Maurice Sklar's master class?

I've signed up for it already. I hope I'll be called into serving God soon. =))

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Benson blogged at 3/16/2008 10:10:00 PM.
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{Millennia}


Before I forget (yet again), let me blog about Sunday's CLDDS outing to the Hwa Chong play. It was the effing best play I've ever watched, ever! They had really professional actors and crew members, and the rapturous effect they had over the awed audience failed to disappoint. (Mind you, I had went there armed with Maltesers and Skittles, anticipating a lacklustre performance, but I was captivated throughout the entire play that I didn't eat anything at all. LOL.) Even their emcees were damn funny. I think the ticket was too cheap, considering the unbeatable quality of their play. HAHA. The last act was such a good tear-jerker. =)

Went to Millenia Institute with Dyan, Josh, Jasmine, Lifeng, HeangGee, Nada, Mardi, Siti and Cindy today, halfway during A-Math. It was not as bad as I thought it would be. I had quite a fun time there, interacting with the primary school kids and laughing about teachers over a (warm) packet lunch. I had a meaningful bus ride home with Josh today. It's been a while since I really talked to him. Felt emotionally refreshed after our talk. Even though we didn't discuss sensitive stuff, I still felt comfortably warm after talking to a friend. I guess it must be the holiday stress getting into me.

Speaking of which, I had a teensy emotional earthquake yesterday because of all the pent-up stress within me. Thanks Szekiang, for making me feel better yesterday. (Now that I've come to this topic, when was the last time I had a good chat with my spiritual family? What's been going on in my life recently that's been taking up all my time? Am I doing something wrongly? Jesus, bless me with the ability to effectively manage my time, that I may be able to devote more time to You and handle my studies well.)


In conjunction with our Sanctification Week, School of Modern Levites has specially invited award-winning Christian violinist, Dr Maurice Sklar, to conduct a training workshop for all members who play the violin, viola and cello. So don’t miss this golden opportunity to develop your musical talent for His use and expand the Kingdom of God!

DATE & TIME: 22 Mar (Sat), 10am–1pm
VENUE: TOUCHCENTRE 3rd Floor
ADMISSION: Free through registration
OBJECTIVE: To recruit a string ensemble for FCBC Celebration Services & Events



WOW.

I sense a calling for me to serve God through worship.

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Benson blogged at 3/11/2008 10:18:00 PM.
2 comment(s).

{What a breather.}


I'm just gonna repeat the statement made by every Sec 3 student across the board and say that this holiday doesn't seem like a holiday at all. Every day, I go back to school for some random reason and contend with deadlines that seem impossible to reach. I'd honestly rather the holiday be abolished and attend school rather than not attend school and wrestle with the mountainous pile of homework and deadlines.

Well, yeah. I'm finally going to add content to my site. The last time I added something was in '07, so you should be able to see how tied up I am.



Once again, this is a theme, meaning that it's solely for display only. You are not allowed to use it in any of your own work unless with my permission. =)

I'm halfway through Mr Chia's monstrous logarithm worksheet. I've fought my way through 15 quadratic equations involving indices. If I see another "let x^2 le y" again, I shall scream and then collapse onto the floor in a spectacularly dramatic fashion. Roar.

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Benson blogged at 3/09/2008 11:43:00 AM.
0 comment(s).

{Broken?}




We can't escape it. We've all felt this way before. It just depends on how you decide to deal with it. But when you like someone like crazy, you just get stuck. Weiiird.

Nah, I'm not going to pursue a relationship. At this point in time, I find it really meaningless. I'm just going to sit in a corner like a lovesick puppy and let the love bubble away.



Yep, everything's splendid! =).

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Benson blogged at 3/03/2008 10:09:00 PM.
0 comment(s).

{Robin shall restore amends}


Common Tests are over. Phew. I've noticed the different attitudes Sec 2s and Sec 3s have towards passing tests. In Sec 2, students would go, "Oh, I passed? It's expected. Did I clinch an A1?", but Sec 3s would go "Oh, I passed? *stares for a few moments, slowly accepting the truth* YES!! I PASSED!!!!!!"

Well, mentalities change.

I'm quite proud of my cell group, since we finally had full attendance at service today! Praise God, praise God. Going to church is really a spiritually refreshing experience for me. After not going last week, attending church this week made me feel as if a huge iron weight has been lifted off my tired spiritual muscles. Meeting all the guys there makes me feel better, too. Ah, the wonders of God. Haha.

Happy birthday, Junboon. May you be blessed with friends throughout your life to light the way for you, and be there for you all the way. =))

From here on, it's gettin' personal, so things might get mushy.

Yo, dude. On the first day of school in 3S5, Mr Chia told my class that the difference between Sec 2 and Sec 3 is really, really big. From my own experience, I can see that it's really true. You're not the only one feeling disoriented in life now. A lot of other people, myself included, have felt this feeling before. It's perfectly okay to feel this way. Being only human, we all fall into disappointment sometimes. But it's these little setbacks that beat us into shape, so that we may become people with substance in future. Our heavenly father is training you so that you may be His ambassador, so that you will show people His amazing power, and His divine grace that has impacted and changed you.

The Bible says, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." (James 1:2-4) Sometimes, when you feel broken and hurt deep down inside, you might turn to God and seek solace in Him, but may not get it at all. Personally, I have also once thought that God had abandoned me. I know how it feels, to be hurt like that. The thing is, contrary to popular belief, God hears you, and He cares for you. He has not forsaken you at all. "Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you! See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; your walls are ever before me." (Isaiah 19:15-17) Jesus cares, dude.

At this point in time, you might even be feeling hopeless, feeling that you never win. You might feel like waves are crushing you, that you'll never make it out of the storm alive. But Jesus says otherwise! Here's a quote from a song I bet we both enjoy a lot:

"But the voice of truth/ Tells me a different story/ The voice of truth says 'Do not be afraid'/ The voice of truth says 'This is for my glory!'"

Dear friend, I really hope that you will follow the footsteps of the singer, as he sings the last verse of the song...

"And of all the voices calling out to me/ I will choose to listen and believe the Voice of Truth."

Jesus will walk with you your endless path, and show you the way back to Him. He will fill you with His indescribable love, and bless you with inner peace. May the love of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit always be with you. =)

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Benson blogged at 3/02/2008 10:07:00 PM.
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In Your freedom I will live;
All I am is Yours!